“We were on the planet. I know it was my day off, but nothing interesting was happening. And then that team came back, saying that they had discovered something, and they wanted scientists to help out. You were off to the mainland with Ronon and Teyla, so I didn’t have to ask anybody but Elizabeth, and after a bit of pleading, she allowed me and a team of scientists to check it out.” Rodney remembered clearly how eager he had felt about setting off then. “We headed off to the planet and started to study the equipment. It was definitely Ancient technology, and although I didn’t get enough time to read all of it, it was pretty important stuff.” Rodney paused, sighing. His shoulders slumped.

“It was when we were ready to leave that something happened. The gate started dialling, and then soon afterwards, a wraith dart came through. Out of everybody there, I was the only one who had had actual experience in this type of thing, so while I commanded Radek to get everybody out, I tried to take down the dart.” Here, Rodney chuckled. “There’s not much damage that can be done with a 9mm, but I knew I had to try. I managed to mangle it enough that it started to fly crookedly, and then it crashed into the ground. I was surprised, but then I made sure to herd everybody through with the equipment. More wraith couldn’t come while the gate was active, right? I figured we were safe.”

“That’s when everything went wrong, right?” Sheppard murmured, interrupting. Rodney smiled sadly, opening his eyes to stare up at the ceiling.

“Yeah. That’s when everything went wrong,” Rodney repeated quietly. “When we were loading the final equipment through, shots from the bushes came our way. In a panic, I pushed the last couple of scientists and their equipment towards the Stargate, covering their backs. However, what we didn’t know what that … it was a decoy.” Rodney smiled a bittersweet smile. “While I was off duking it out with the bastard shooting at us, the wraith ship I took down was making its comeback. I saw it just as it was heading right for us. By that time, it was just me left, and I was ready to go through the gate when I got shot.”

“You were shot?” Sheppard repeated. Rodney nodded.

“I was shot. It was in the stomach, and it managed to shock me enough that the wraith had time to aim and fire.” Rodney paused, his eyes going over memories that only he could see. “I dove out of the way, the shots went right past me … and hit the Stargate. They kept shooting and I realised that they aimed to destroy the Stargate. They succeeded. I was trapped.” He shuddered, wrapping his arms around his knees. Next to him, Sheppard reached out to put a hand on his arm to comfort him. “The wraith dart came at me and then – the next thing I knew … I was on a wraith ship,” He whispered, and Sheppard’s grip on his arm tightened.

“You were on the ship?” Sheppard asked. Rodney glanced at him.

“Yeah. They came – they took me away.” Rodney shivered involuntarily. “They tortured. Took me to the inch of death and then brought me back to life, over and over again. It was dark. It was cold. I knew I had to escape. No one would save me. I had to do it myself. I found a way.” Here, Rodney faltered, but still kept going. “The next time they took me … I tripped the guard. Stole his gun. Shot – shot him in his head.” Rodney paused again, gulping. “Ran as fast as hell, landed on a deserted planet. I ran … they followed … I dove into a river to escape and then when I next woke up, I was with Tenukkians. You know the rest.” Rodney finished with a whisper, and then fell silent.

He rest his head on his knees, which he was hugging. He just stared ahead of him, remembering the despair he had felt. The terror. The pain.

“I’m sorry,” He heard Sheppard say. Rodney slowly turned to look at him, for the first time since he started, and he saw how sorrowful the man looked.

“For what?” Rodney asked softly.

“I let you be taken. I should’ve been with you – I should’ve rescued you.” He said. Rodney snorted.

“Colonel, you were not to blame. It is not your fault,” Rodney said quietly, but forcefully.

“But-” Sheppard tried to protest, but Rodney covered his mouth with his hand.

“It wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have done anything.” He said firmly, keeping eye contact with the other man, making sure the message hit home. Sheppard seemed to shrink in on himself.

“I was so certain you were dead.” He said quietly, once Rodney had removed his hand. “We – Ronon, Teyla and I – came back late in the evening, and we knew something had happened. We didn’t know what. We went to talk to Elizabeth … she was distraught. She told us – she told us you had gone out to the mainland, but that the wraith had attacked the planet you were on. Everyone had made it back but you. She made a rescue team, but when they were ready, the planet exploded.” Sheppard cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable. Rodney tilted his head.

He had heard this from Elizabeth himself, but he wasn’t about to tell Sheppard that.

Besides, he hadn't heard it from Sheppard before either, so all was good.

“The planet had blown up, the wraith ship was long gone … there was no way to trace it. We thought you were dead. I thought I was responsible, because I hadn’t been there to protect you when you most needed it. I had been on the mainland, being bored and cursing you for having escaped it, while you were first fighting and then dying. When it was announced officially that you were dead … I couldn’t do it.” Sheppard sighed. Rodney found himself becoming highly uncomfortable with the way this was heading.

“So, you’re saying you became a slob because I went and got myself killed?” He questioned, raising an eyebrow. “Didn’t it strike you that I would be all ‘Don’t do that Sheppard, I wouldn’t want you to suffer’ blah blah blah?” He heard Sheppard laugh faintly.

“Actually, I thought that you would be more of the ‘suffer for a bit, miss me, then move on’ kind of guy,” Sheppard responded. Rodney was about to protest, before realising it was probably true and just huffed. There was a silence, and Rodney wondered just what he was meant to say. “I guess,” Sheppard started, causing Rodney to look back at him. “I guess that … I wasn’t able to function all that well without you there …” Sheppard trailed off awkwardly. Rodney had been feeling awkward for awhile now. Neither of the two men had ever been good at expressing their feelings.

“Well, that’s behind you now, right?” Rodney finally chose to say. Sheppard looked at him questioningly. Rodney smiled softly. “I’m back now, and you have no excuse to try and imitate the living dead. I preferred the old Sheppard, not the one I see before me now,” Rodney paused, and then his smile turned into a mischievous one. “Besides, I want to have another episode of ‘lets keel the jumper’ time,” Rodney added on and Sheppard’s head shot up.

“How do you know about that?!” He questioned. Rodney laughed.

“Teyla and Ronon took the liberty to explain to me what I missed.” Rodney grinned. “What is this, the 50th?” He teased and Sheppard punched him in the shoulder.

“Bastard.” He grumbled.

“Oh, wait, it was the 100th, wasn’t it?” Rodney loved this. And it was the best way for both himself and Sheppard to heal – he knew that now. They had got out the sentimental things out the way, and were slowly going back to their original ways. Rodney were pretty confident that when Sheppard next left these quarters, Mr Indomitable would be back in business. Just as he was certain that when he left these quarters, he would be able to go and work without having to worry about his friend.

“Rodney?” Rodney glanced over at Sheppard, raising an eyebrow. He was smiling softly. “I’m glad you’re back.”

Rodney settled back against the wall and shut his eyes, thinking about the statement. He had enjoyed the Tenukkians, and he would miss them, but he had a piece of them with him – in his heart, in his head and with the necklace that Paddy had given him. But Atlantis was his home, and the people here were his family. He smiled softly, feeling that all was right in the world once more.

“So am I, John,” He murmured. “So am I.”